Before I'm 40... Part 2. Settle your family life

I was fortunate to have found and married the woman of my dreams by the time I was 23, and Grace and I have been blessed with four wonderful daughters. When I am with them I feel like the richest man alive.

Not everyone is so blessed.

Sometimes a settled family life just doesn’t seem to happen for people, but too often this is a consequence of poor decision making.

I have seen men who fail to get married not because they don’t want to, or because they have a call to celibacy, and not because they are unattractive to women, but simply because they cannot make a decision. Some men are looking for the one woman with the body of Angelina Jolie, the spirituality of Mother Theresa, and the cooking ability of Delia Smith. That woman doesn’t exist!

It is culturally unusual now to get married and have kids while in your 20’s, but it is a good thing for the young leader to do. Church leadership is a lot like being a dad and being a husband, which is why Paul’s instructions for elders are that they must be able to lead their families before they get to lead a church [1 Timothy 3:4-5]. Learning to love Grace and pastor my daughters has been essential training for me in church leadership.

(I would also add that every prospective parent should first have a dog – if you can train a well behaved dog chances are you’ll be able to raise good mannered kids too!)

Its tough going to carry significant leadership weight if at the same time your personal life is turbulent. So this is good advice for the young leader – find a woman who loves Jesus and loves you. Marry her. Love her. Make babies. Create a home which functions as a place of refuge and stability for you, because there’s going to be plenty of stress and demands coming from elsewhere. Lead your wife well, loving her like Christ loves his church. Then she will submit to you gladly, making your life with her a joy and delight. Pastor your kids before you pastor your church, so that they respect you and love the church rather than despising you and resenting the church.

Settle your family life, and get leading.